What we are trying to demonstrate is how to join sentences together for an interesting piece of work. Readers can absorb more than one idea at a time and can feel frustrated by endless stops and starts; they are looking for information, stimulation, thoughts and points as well as an argument that involves them and takes them along. We should, however, make it clear that we are not contradicting here something we said earlier. We appear to be recommending the fusing of sentences. What we have in Blind, of course, is not fusing but instead joining sentences in a manner that Complies with all the basic rules about sentence structure and punctuation. We will, in addition, be showing how little phrases, such as in addition, can establish continuity and flow in a paragraph. Really, what we want to achieve is a paragraph where every sentence is as impressive as the student’s first sentence here:
At the turn of the century, Russia, both economically and politically, lagged behind the advanced industrial nations of Europe.
That is a confident sentence. It consists of a subject-verb-complement sequence (Russia-, lagged behind; the advanced industrial nations of Europe), but the student also knows how to handle both the introductory element (At the turn of the century) and the adverbial phrase (both economically and politically).
As the paragraph continues, however, the student needs to employ such techniques a little more often. Look at the second sentence:
The workers of Russia had few rights, without trade unions.
The word Russia is repeated unnecessarily, but the really awkward feature is without trade unions tagged on as an afterthought. It belongs in the body of the sentence:
The workers, without trade unions, had few rights.
In addition, the next two sentences could usefully be linked with this one. To see this, we need to repeat the original four opening sentences:
At the turn of the century, Russia, both economically and politically, lagged behind the advanced industrial nations of Europe. The workers of Russia had few rights, without trade unions. Such exploitation of the working class caused disillusion with the existing political system. It also, caused disillusion with the existing social fabric of the nation.
There is, as we said, nothing wrong with these sentences, but they do seem like a list of points rather than a more co-coordinated analysis.
The workers, without trade unions, had few rights, and the resulting exploitation of the working class caused disillusion with both the existing political system and the existing social fabric of the nation.
That isn’t the only way of altering these sentences. They could be linked in other ways, or even left as they were originally, but the point we are trying to make is how compound sentences, because they are that much more expansive and wide-ranging, manage to create the impression of carrying and controlling more ideas.
This is particularly evident if we look at what to do with the sentences towards the end. There are about half-a-dozen sentences which are so straightforward and similar in structure that they sound more like notes than an essay:
The Commander-in-chief of the Armed Forces, the Tsar, could not prevent defeat after defeat at the hands of Germany. Soldiers suffered from a lack of supplies and equipment. Hostility towards the government increased. The whole system was criticized by revolutionary groups. They met in secret in many of the larger towns.
We can rewrite this without changing much of the vocabulary:
The Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, the Tsar, could not prevent defeat after defeat at the hands of Germany. With soldiers suffering from a lack of supplies and equipment, hostility towards the government increased. In addition, the whole system was criticized by revolutionary groups, who met in secret in many of the larger towns.
Sentences have been carefully combined together, with a comma separating the elements, and half of each revised sentence being transformed into a subordinate clause. The effect of such a simple implementation of the rules of sentence construction and punctuation has been to create sentences that sustain two ideas rather than one. The inevitable result of this is that the paragraph conveys its information in a more interesting fashion for the reader. It also sounds more mature, as the student can be seen to be exercising more control over more material. In turn, such control suggests a more profound understanding of the implications of the points made. There is, though, no great skill or craft involved; it is only a matter of exploiting the Basic rules that govern the production of a sentence.
Tags: adverbial phrase, introductory element, paragraph, phrases, punctuation, sentence structure, sentences, subject verb